This is an experience experienced by a person very near and dear to me and I was with this soul all through the experience, counseling, caring and supporting. I was touched by this young ladys positive thinking and survival skills that had no place for ill thoughts or even grudges.

As I always mention, I’m sharing and expressing my views and you are free to express yours….

As the only introvert turned extrovert member of a nuclear orthodox family, she was rebellious since she did not want to let go of her professional or educational aspirations. But on the family front, she barely knew what marriage was all about. She then believed that two people lived under one roof and later on had kids. The teachers skipped the ‘sex education’ bit by asking to read and learn on their own! she knew the science of reproduction but not the practical details and she truly had nobody that she could ask because it was not the ‘in thing’ to admit you don’t know these things especially when you are with an advanced high class batch mates. So, she pretended that she knew everything. She didn’t even know what a ‘blue movie’ is! (even I didn’t know it back then). No, please do not say this is innocence, rather, its ignorance and ignorance is dangerous (not always bliss).

Her income was more than her dads and the fact that her character changed from a shy, typical, homely girl to an outgoing girl became a concern for her parents. Her parents realized that she was beyond their control and decided to get her married off. She was a feminist back then and had decided to get married because she had seen her high class friends being ditched by guys. However, she knew she had no other option. She spread the word amongst her friends stating that she is planning to get married and all who wish to propose may contact her parents.

Many contacted her parents but they took a ‘no’ for an answer from her parents. Well, there was this guy who use to try his luck at dating her right from her days of ‘summer jobs’ (16 yrs old) but she truly disliked him. I’m still not able to understand why she disliked him because she is the kind of person who feels every person she meets is a nice and harmless person. His cousins owed her a treat and hence took her to a disc. The surprise was that he came to pick her up. Following which he acted fresh with her after couple of pegs and she walked away from him, all alone, at that hour of the night. She was so upset because she realized that her parents where right when ever they restricted her from going to such parties. She felt ashamed to go home with this heavy heart; so, she checked-in with her friend for the night.

She had to report to work early next morning and had no extra pair of clothes on her, so, she bought herself clothes, changed and moved to work. By now, her orthodox parents were dying of fear though she had informed them that she is at her friends place and heading straight to office. Her parents went about investigating as to what happened the previous night through their sources and learnt that she was with a guy. Now, her parents were stubborn that either she agrees to get married or she will be under house arrest.

The same day, this guy proposes asking if she would marry him and calls her out on a date to talk. She politely refused stating she has enough problems to handle and does not wish to take on more but he was persistent while she was losing her patience. On the other hand, pressure increased from her parents to get married. She could only think of one solution, drive this guy away and be in peace. She agreed to meet him. They go out on a weekend for a long drive.

She had clear vision of her married life and kept her life in front of this man like an open book hoping that if she behaved with an ego and don’t care attitude, he would disappear on his own but the reverse happened. He called up her parents and asked for their daughters hand.

Her parents took it for granted that he was her boyfriend and she had changed and become a rebel because of him. They met him and exchanged conversations (what the conversation was is something I still do not know since my friend is also not aware of it). Neither of them kept her on the loop as to what they spoke or discussed.

Her parents told her that it would not be wise for her to marry him since he drinks, smokes and party with girls but she could not consider this as a valid reason. The main reason I guess was that the trust between her and her parents did not exist anymore. They suspected each other of their respective stand on any topic.

They went and registered for the marriage and was given a date after a month to get married. During this period, he was very pushy (she and her parents were passive about this) and dated her. The news became public and meanwhile, he developed good relationship with her parents.

Well, she got to know him a lot better and walked out of the relationship many time in this ‘one’ month gap and finally told her parents that she is convinced that he is not the right guy for her and wish to call this marriage off. Her orthodox parents responded that its too late a realization and she has no choice now. They told her not to disgrace them time and again. The emotional drama made her take a decision that she will cooperate by truly accepting him and trying to be perfect wife to him (that she believed was her fate). She sacrifices her professional aspirations for which she took this decision in the first place and gets married at the age of 18 and enters a married life in which both the husband and wife knew they don’t even like each other!

I’ll share the rest of the story at a later date in this blog after I take her permission. However, by sharing her experience here, I am only trying to reach out to parents of teenagers and teenagers to suggest that you develop a relationship of mutual trust, respect and friendliness that you are approachable and can reach out and share your worries and concerns with each other. If you do not take care of your relationships and maintain your differences within the four walls of your home, you are inviting an outsider to take advantage of the situation….

Handling a teenager is a challenge and it is essential for all the parents to mature up to it at the right time or you risk your relationship with your own children forever…

I request all parents to take up parenting as a responsibility that you are accountable for and not expect your children to be naturally perfect just because you feed them and care for them on your own terms. We must learn to give unconditional love to our children because they are also human beings with all the five senses i.e. see, hear, speak, taste and touch and is truly your creation. We must respect them and guide them on the right path and not indulge in the blame game…for it is said that…We reap what we sow!